365 days.

365 days have come and gone and the feeling hasn't gotten any easier. I really truly thought I would "do" better. I thought I would think of him and feel sadness but also be able to smile at the memory I have of holding him in my arms.

Unfortunately, as the 7th of December approached, I felt despair instead and felt as though life had just pressed the rewind button. I suddenly felt transported back to that black hole I found myself in one year ago. 365 days ago. Man, that's a lot of damn days. And to end up here again?

I know it's normal and to be expected, yes. I just wish it were a tiny bit easier as I can't imagine feeling like this every December 7th for the rest of my life. I want to someday, maybe, be able to celebrate instead of continuing to mourn our sweet, sweet boy.